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ich komm zu diiiiiir, zu dir....

musik: *lol* glashaus (everything - I don't mind listening to glashaus, even though I feel a little depressed - miss)
feelings: always repeating the fact in my head I have to do my homework or I have to learn mathe-info, but I just can't seem to get myself upstairs

I made a wonderful "categorize-links-thing" - you see it on the left side - now you are able to pick first if you want to read somewthing very depressing and sad or if you want to read myself getting euphoristic :D heyhey, you've got a great new opportunity my goodness, I'm making fun out of myself - I guess you're wondering why I did these categorize-thing, right? *lol* I guess I'm bored
ehm, yeah - I've got a new, brand new, and amazing and wonderful password - if you got this far you probably know it's somewhere *lol* so there's no need to tell you! I don't know why I'm writing this blog - it seems to sacrifise (however the word's spelled) me - in a way - I don't know what way exactelly - but it does! I write, only to write - my diary isn't to read for anyone but me and this thing is like a tiny diary which most of all can't read either - but...well it's different to write in here then to write in my diary! And I like the feeling of writing here - that's probably a bad explanation, but it's the only one I know
I don't know - I guess I should be happy - no, noone says "hey, you should be very happy" - noone - except for me! I'm not sacrifised (again the word - I simply don't wanna look it up) with the situation - well, yes, I am in a way - but I know there's something wrong! it's like passing what you always wanted, when you finally found something different (if this explanation's understandable) - no, I'm not really passing it - right, I'm passing it, but not the whole, perfect way! It's just: seeing the one you, why ever, fell in love with, again, after leaving - and I thought it wasn't doubtful that I will never see this one again and now the one confuses me only because I have to see the one again (and again and again) - it's the whole "having hope thing" - it's "why would god let the one pass my way again and again, if we're defenitely not meant to be???" - I hate this things! and yeah, this hope-thing makes everything different, I mean it's...well I could get involved in something (I've got the feeling) - and I'ld really like to get involved there - but I'ld get pricks of conscience if I'ld let myself fall into everything might happening...and I would always question, if I just wasn't offensive enough and the one could have been THE ONE - oh my goodness, I guess I'm terribly mistaken
it's enough - I'm finished - that's it
good night
3.5.06 20:53


but until I find out I'll just call it ho-home...

music: k's choice
feelings: well...I'ld rather say I feel a little depressed

I don't know where it comes from, but my dad never seems to hear my "hello" - yeah I'm so friendly (if I don't say hello, he's upset), I'm always saying an happy-sounding "hello, daddy", just to let him feel like it's not said because he wants me to, and then he says "hey, I said hello!!!" and I'm answering "I know, I said hello as well!" and he claims "no you didn't!" - I hate to be judged! That's a thing I can't handle! I can't stand that anymore - maybe next time I won't say hello, then I'll probabably don't find anything in his claim "you didn't say hello to me" - and I'll be able to say "oh, you're right! But I thought, you don't hear my "hello" anyway, so I don't have to say it, right?" --- sorry, needed to write that!!!

On saturday I drove to cologne - I was invited to an "WG-party" - it's been okay, I'ld say! I mean, I did talk to an nice girl called Woolf20 (christiane) whole evening, even though I thought we wouldn't be able to find so many themes, it went well! I've been in bed at half past one o'clock in the morning and went to the "konfirmation" of my cousine carina on sunday - was also bit boring, but that's just family-partys, I guess - they're always a bit boring

My parents are having (their) dinner right at the moment, and they told me to come upstairs thirty minutes ago - well, I don't feel like eating - and don't feel like getting judged again (my dad's expert in getting me agressive...) - and also don't feel like talking about what I have to change at myself...

wish you a good evening and everything you wish someone
8.5.06 19:50

what's the matter?

music: elli
feelings: äääh...

I'm simply not able to understand that! Maybe it's because you didn't like my music? Maybe it's because you don't like me anymore? I don't know! I'm going to visit this elli-concert this evening! I'm fucked up, I'd say...yeah I feel sooo awful - just can hope elli's gonna rock this place tonight and I'm able to rock with her - I'm on my limit - I need silence and I need to grow stronger again - there's almost no strength left inside my body and my mind! It's gonna be amazing and brilliant and...yeah she's gonna rock this place tonight and I'll rock out all my pain - the pain caused by my friend (you aren't doing anyone any good if you continue behaving like this!) and the pain caused by getting turned down again! I don't need this, I don't want this - I won't grow any stronger if everybody contniues to turn me down - I finally found strength again and now I feel my trust was put in the wrong person again - is there love anywhere? outside? in this world? Is this so-called-give-and-take-love beyond everything I am? I don't know - just know my english's no better than an fuckin' 3 "Juhu, I got better! Last two exams were 3-es - now I FINALLY got a 3 :D yiiiha" - I hate 3s - especially in english!
I'm finished - good evening everybody - cheer up!
10.5.06 18:31


musik: nüscht
feelings: ganz gut - jojo, geht eigentlich!

sitz grad bei mathe-info *lol* und wir haben so ein dääämliches, langwierig und -weiliges blobby-volley-turnier gemacht - total unsinnig, da lern ich lieber wat neues bei prolog (even though nothing matters anymore - we wrote the last exam one week ago and we won't get the oppportunity to choose mathe-info next 3 years - so what ever?) it's senceless but everything would be
I'm bored...and I'm looking forward to our "klassefahrt" - we'll go to berlin, very interesting berlin - and I'm not sure if I should rather be afraid of next week than to look forward it but I'm optimistic anyway - it's gonna be, like it'll be!
I've got to stop
12.5.06 09:23

...and think about nothing but wondering why...

musik: krezip-videoclips
feelings: ganz gut - nur ein bissel entnervt

scheiße, da installiert man, weil da steht "is alles kostenlos" son beschissenen realplayer dann doch irgendwann mal wieder, um sich sachen anhören zu können und jetz is wieder nix als scheiße mit dem teil - scheiße! jetzt kann ich die videos von der nicht mehr angucken das is echt scheiße! und das alles nur, weil der das jetzt drekt alles mim realplayer öffnen will und da sofort nachem downloaden stand "jetzt haben sie einen monat gratis :D" und ich den sofort wieder gelöscht hab und ich nich weiß, wie ich umstell, dass mein pc rm-videos mim windowsmediaplayer öffnet - juuuhu...
AHA :D jetzt hab ichs raus *hihi* gut, dann hebt sich meine stimmung ja schon wieder etwas (even though it really took long to copy every url and to add it to an play-list - it's better like this anyway :D) - oder WÜRDE sich heben, wenn ich nich genau wüsste, dass ich noch ne beschiiissene erörterung verfassen muss heute - mein gott - this is fuckin' german - I HATE GERMAN - don't ask me why I'm always at my limit when I get homework in german - it's just: I hate to think about things only for school! I'm not interested in those things we're talking about (maybe this is something to discuss: I guess most of you will say "you have the advise to write about pro's and contra's of cigarettes at public places - this is totally interesting" - but I wouldn't like to write about what's good and what's bad music either - I just hate to order texts - written things are beautiful and great, until they are ordered and analysed - that's what I think!) - so I guess I shouldn't say "I'm not interested" sure: I'm just not interested in writing about writings

so und jetzt zum interessanten teil (oder interessanteren ):
last week -> school trip -> beautifil berlin...
monday: It began at about quater to 10 am - wuppertal hbf :D We went by an ICE and we arrived in berlin ostbahnhof at about 3 o'clock pm (I guess). I must confess first of all I didn't find berlin that great - we walked around in kreuzberg for about an hour and then ate dinner (which was aweful) - I had a double bedroom just for me, which was lonely but especially the best that could have happened! in the evening we went to an stand-up-comedy-show which was absolutely brilliant and funny!
On tuesday we made a sightseeing tour and then had freetime - I walked around a little alone, I phoned someone and then went where the other girls were gone - and here is the fault: I shouldn't have went where they were gone: they didn't do anything but shopping - I sad in front of the clothshops (we do also have in wuppertal) for about two hours until jojo and pascal passed my way - even though I don't know them much I went with them - I only wanted to get awaaaay of those insaaane girls at about 8 o'clock pm I drove with elena and jojo to some kind of gig, even though we didn't know what it would be like! It's been an great acoustic concert: one woman, one guitar, no microphone :D just like I like it
wednesday was our "potsdam day" - we visited the garden of an castle and the well-known netherlands-quarter, ate something and walked through the tiny but cute city-centre until we drove "home" again just to eat in the cafeteria - evenings we met some friends of another class and had a funny night
thursday I didn't do much, because I couldn't move like I wanted to: bellyache (rather 'alvus' <- unterleib) in the afternoons I visited the alexanderplatz, because I was afraid I wouldn't meet this place again after dinner we drove to the "reichstag" and heard an interesting and funny lecture about the building - later on we went to a bar called "strandbar" I guess I drank a little and got drunk as well! My belly had stopped to ache, so it's been an great eve :D when we passed the hbf of berlin I fell in love - this place is just amazing and awesome and it's unbelievable and high and width and it's bright, really bright, even when it's dark and black outside, this is, with hamburg, the most impressing place I've ever been! Berlin? I wanna meet you again
friday we went to the turkish-market where I got to know "mispeln", very tasty fruits and because it rained we had freetime again, which we spend with driving to places we wanted to see (again) before going home - then we drove home again and arrived with delay of thirty minutes in wuppertal

all in all I must confess I miss going by u-bahn - miss driving to the alexanderplatz - miss this city - miss every beautiful stop (heinrich-heine-straße, jannowitzbrücke, alexanderplatz,..., friedrichsstraße - bei der s1 war's noch hackescher platz und der ostbahnhof) - I really miss berlin!!! I guess it's just becaude I've been there and I got used to it and I got to know the surrounding area and so on...

Dieser Teil ist toll - aber da war ich leider nich! Ich war nur da wo die Gleise waren...

Leider habe ich keine so tollen Bilder gefunden von den Gleisen:

WORTH A CLICK >> (und dann auf "clips")
22.5.06 20:27

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