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but the winter seems to last a whole year long...

music: radio wuppertal
feelings: awful - empty - sad - I don't know what to do with myself...

So...now it's over? I don't want it to be over...I can't stand this - it's too hard for me - what could I possibly do now? If all I want is you...

So I try to live on...carry on with my life...which I again don't really consider as a LIFE...
With you I had a life - suddenly you showed up and changed it - from A to B, from upside to downside (or rather the other way around), from stillness to movement...and now your gone everything seems to get back where it was...my life changes from B to A, from downside to upside and from movement to stillment...how could I stop it? Only you can stop it - but you're not there...

I got taught that development can never go backwards, but only forwards - but it feels like I get back where I was...okay: I take these experiences and the beautiful moments and capture them in my heart - and I learned from you...but nevertheless I can't change my life...it's not under my control! I don't want to change myself in order to change my life - does one have to? You didn't like parties either - so with you I wouldn't have had to change myself...but now I'm again on search for ANYone -
And where does one meet people? At places I don't usually like to go...
How I hate this!
And how does one get to know ANYone? It always was a problem I had - not to speak to people, but to really deepen the contact...with you it simply happened - but I really wished it could be done! Because it's difficult - and it's even more difficult to find someone compatible/matching...

Uh...maybe I hate my life - I can't say...but at least I hate it for not being a life at all! Because lifes tend to be full of happenings...but mine doesn't have a single movement without you - it's just the so-called "daily grint" - and nothing more - and I'm sooo fed up with this!!!!

I even wish I had something complicated in my life - like: where do I get the money from to be able to visit you???
I'd love to face this question...I'd love this to be my problem...but it's not...and I can't seem to get over it...uh, get over it!!!

Even this is boring again - it's always the same with me: wishing, hoping, being dumped...what do I do wrong? Is it my fault? I'm always jilted...always...can't that change at some point??? I guess I'm old enough to NOT be jilted!
15.8.07 06:31
 


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Bella / Website (19.9.07 22:52)
Hallohooo! Ich wollt letztens schon irgendwas hier schreiben, aber mir fiel dann nichts außer irgendwas ein und das war mir zu sinnlos *g* Und jetzt bin ich natürlich viel sinnvoller...
Begeisterst du dich für französische Musik oder möchte ganz Frankreich inzwischen komplett aus dem Kopf verdrängt werden? Ich hab nämlich grad eine tolle Neuentdeckung gemacht und würde es dich nicht interessieren, würde mir der einzige Sinn dieses Kommentars schon wieder dahin schwinden. Denn was soll ich sonst so hier erzählen. Na ok, also hör mal rein. Ich mag's!
Mademoiselle K:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=58535853
Viele Grüßeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!


Bella / Website (21.9.07 21:54)
Gelsenkirchen? Was bitte, wie kommst du denn da drauf? Loool. Nee um genau zu sein ist es Kaiserslautern und das liegt nen bisschen weiter weg. Rheinland-Pfalz ;-)
Ja geht nächste Woche Samstag los. Freu mich schon und muss mal langsam anfangen zu packen.
Ich find die Band auch klasse, kanntest du die? Nee oder? Musst ich mir sofort mehr von anhören. Sehr toll was die Franzosen da machen! :D


Funky (4.11.07 18:33)
Hallo Anne habe lange nichts von dir gehört und doch an dich gedacht. Habe mir die frage gestellt warum wir den Kontakt einfach so fallen gelassen haben can you say what taht meant to mè? würde mich freuen dich mal weider auf meinem Blog zu erwischen denn acuh bei mir hat scihe iniges getan naja..

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