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I'm miserable

Music: no music... I guess that is normal for me by now
Mood: just miserable..

It's New Year! Yeahi! Resolutions anyone?
Well... I dont really know what to think. Last year was shit, and as I see it, next year is gonna get even worse. I dont expect myself to be lucky with love. I kinda see my relationship break already and that gives me headache and tears already. I didnt really live in any moment last year. If dreams would revive the things Ive gone through, NOTHING of what happened last year would be alive in my head... For real now, I experienced the two so called most decisive things in my life: graduating from school and moving away to start a fu**g new life abroad to study. In order to realize these steps I have got to remind myself of them, though... Theyre not in my head, they dont really happen in my life. Im absent.. I dont feel alive. Everything rushes away.. What kinda stuff is that? That makes you not live, not feel, not realize anything? Its driving me crazy. Im emotionless...

So, next year Im probably gonna change course and uni, Im probably gonna leave my girlfriend (and if just to study somewhere and we start a long-distance relationship) and Im probably gonna cry my heart out. What good is that? I dont want it! Go away 2010! I hate you already..
1.1.10 11:41



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