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Gratis bloggen bei

Back where I was

Music: Tegan and Sara - Sainthood
Mood: Open-minded, content, relaxed

Hi everyone,
this is me again. After 2 whole years I just read my last entry and felt like writing again. With new knowledge and a bit more mature.

I still have a lot of thoughts on the style-question as well as on the categorize-question. But by now I learned that everything we do or want or think is determined by the media and our environment. So by now I know that what I am looking for is never gonna be achieved.

At the moment I am at a point where I try to find my style again. And I realised, when I read my last entry, that I am at a crossroad I was before. Boyish or skirts? :D
And I know that 2 years ago I didnt change anything in the end. I ended up buying new men's trousers and maybe a bit tighter t-shirts. Same here. I went shopping, tryng to find myself a new style. But i found out that baggy-jeans are really all I like with myself. And I know that what I really need is a diet *haha* so I can wear the t-shirts I like with the jeans.

However. I guess I am fine again. Maybe that really is me. Maybe that really defines me. Maybe I just feel like I still have to find myself, but really I already know who I am.
I mean, I am pretty strong with my opinions. I know what I think is right, I know what I want and how to get there. I just sometimes have to deliberate and pause to realise it.

Meanwhile I moved to England to study Events Management. A course I dont really know is right for me. Because I know what I like and what makes me happy. And so far there is nothing academic about this course. Most of the time I dont have anything to do and the tasks I get are so easy that I can do them in 2 hours.
I just graduated from school. Zentralabitur, and I had 13 years, the kids now have only 12 years to learn the same as I did in 13. I remember there was hardly an afternoon that I had nothing to do. I was stressed because I knew I had a lot to learn for the final exams. I spent my last 3 months studying really hard and wrote exams over 5 and 4 hours.
And I must say: I loved it! I never felt like I wasnt challenged. I was at my best, I was a highly educated person, I could calculate things anyone else would type into their calculators in my head. I even solved half of my maths a-level exam in my head.

And after 3 months of holidays I was deeply awaiting an a-level management-course. But I didnt get it. I feel like I dont really have to study too hard to get the degree I'd like to get... But we'll see in a few months if I underestimated this..
But still I wonder what studying mathematics would have been like... the ultimate challenge... i probably even would have even failed exams for the first time- i would have cried and shaken my head. i would have thought abt giving up. but after 3 and a half years I would have had my degree and be too proud of myself...

Well, as you guys can see, I'm not really to fond of my course so far-
But we'll see.. we'll see..

Have a nice day =)

10.11.09 13:45


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